“Is healing separate from living?”
That question kicked off my second live in the Living as Healing series with Alexandra Lais, whose writing and presence have deeply impacted how I view healing not as a task, but as a way of being.
Alexandra is a yoga teacher, somatic practitioner with a background in psychology based in Berlin.
We spoke not about concepts, but about felt experiences. About how healing, when embodied, lives in the body.
Thank you everyone who tuned in, interacted, and left their love for us.
Here's what unfolded.
Highlights From The Live
❗️Reminder: This is just a summary. The real depth, connection, and human-ness? It’s in the live. Don’t miss it.
What if healing isn’t about fixing, but about reclaiming?
In her post — ‘Is healing separate from living?’ Alex describes healing as a return to our original state. Like a living system that restores itself after a rupture.
Most of us experience that rupture early. We're taught to choose connection and belonging over authentic self-expression. That conditioning splits us from who we are.
Then, healing isn’t about fixing, it’s about reclaiming. Reclaiming boundaries, preferences, and the right to be who we are, without needing to be palatable or perfect.
My own healing started with the belief: “Something’s wrong with me—I need to fix it.” I read books. I journaled. I worked on my mindset.
But it wasn’t until I learned about nervous system regulation that things shifted. I realized my workaholism was a fight-or-flight response. My freeze showed up in procrastination.
Safety wasn’t a thought I could think, it was a state I had to feel.
How do we know when we're just intellectualising safety vs. feeling it in the body?
Embodiment begins where intellectualising ends.
“We come into this world without cognition. Our first language is sensation.”
We’re not taught to listen to the body. Most of us grow up being told not to cry, not to get angry. Over time, we disconnect from the very system designed to guide us: our nervous system.
Alex shared that true safety often shows up in subtle ways:
A softening in the gut
An ease in the breath
The ability to pause before reacting
“Safety can be accessed through this experience of recognizing that you can hold comfort and discomfort at the same time.”
And when we feel unsafe?
It might be clenching in the solar plexus.
Tension in the jaw.
Pressure behind the eyes.
What happens when we actually listen to the body?
Our bodies always speak first often long before the mind catches up.
So the question becomes: what happens when we pause long enough to listen?
Between stimulus and response, there’s a pause. And in that pause, we get to choose.
To stay in the story or come back to sensation.
To spiral or breathe.
Safety isn’t always found by going inward. Sometimes it’s found by orienting outward:
Watching the sky
Listening to birds
Grounding with touch or breath
Even 30 seconds of presence can shift our state.
Can you feel safe and uncomfortable at the same time?
Recently, I found myself in a room with estranged family after the passing of a cousin. My hands clenched. My shoulders tensed.
But because I’ve been learning to listen, I caught it.
I slowed my breath. I whispered to myself: “This discomfort is from the past. But right now, I am safe.”
That was a moment of embodied trust not just with others, but with myself. And by doing this, I was integrating parts of me at the cellular level.
“There’s a younger part of you that shows up when you’re triggered. But then your adult self can step in and say—‘I’ve got you.”
Why visibility feels so unsafe?
We also spoke about the anxiety of visibility. Why even sharing a post or showing up live can feel like danger.
It’s not irrational. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being seen = being judged, abandoned, or misunderstood. So we shrink. We perfect. We prepare obsessively.
Alex shared that even after several live sessions, her body still shakes. But the difference now? She reminds herself:
“This is play. This is practice. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
And it does get better with time by showing up.
What are some bodily cues we might notice in relationships?
Your body often knows whether a connection feels safe before your mind does.
Alex shared that for her, a sense of contraction in the stomach or a rush of pressure to the head are cues to check in.
“For me, it’s clenching in my stomach or pressure in my forehead. But sometimes, what feels unsafe is just unfamiliar because our system is responding from old maps.”
How do we cultivate safety in a connection if our system perceives it as unsafe even when it’s actually not?
By getting curious.
By pausing. Expressing our needs. Sharing our vulnerability.
By investigating: “Is this mine? Is this about now?”
How do you stay curious, especially about the parts that hurt?
Never reject any part of your experience. Even the painful ones.
Curiosity doesn’t start with trying to fix yourself, it starts with asking, “What’s really going on here?”
“I’ve always had it. I was always curious about the human condition. Even when it hurt, I was curious about the pain. Healing is the hero’s journey. And I’ve always loved exploring the shadow because I knew there was gold in there.”
For me, the turning point was one question:
“Is this it?”
That one line opened the door to everything that followed.
What if healing is not a project but a way of living?
Healing isn’t a separate path. It’s not a project outside your life.
It is your life.
When you bring your body with you, when you pause, breathe, feel,
you return.
You reclaim.
You remember who you were before the world told you otherwise.
And that? That is the beginning of true embodiment.
The Journey Goes On
We continue to explore how healing can be woven into our everyday lives—not as another task to check off, but as a way of being.
💛 With — Alicia Joyful, Courageous Compassion
🗓️ Wednesday, May 21st, 2025
🕰️ 7am BST, 8am CET, 2am EST, 11.30am IST, 8pm HST
🗣️ Intuitive living versus fixed routines — the idea of rigid morning routines, while trendy often set us up for failure instead of helping us connect with ourselves.
Tiny pauses. True connection. Real presence.
Let’s walk each other home.
Light and life,
Janki 🌻
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